One year ago, on the day of the Boston Marathon bombing, Dr. Gene Beresin shared advice on how to talk to children about the frightening event. Here, a year later, he and Dr. Paula Rauch, a fellow professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, help parents draw broader lessons about how best to help children face such stresses and even grow through them.
By Drs. Paula K. Rauch and Gene Beresin
For the most affected families, April 15th, 2013 was a life-changing event. For many in our community it produced a lesser, but still significant, set of challenges, and for some facing other family adversity or chronic stresses, it may have seemed like a minor event with little personal impact.
Regardless of how personal or significant the marathon bombing and its aftermath were for you, every one of us will face life challenges within our families and in the larger community. How can we face stressful experiences in ways that support our children’s resilience, and help them grow through those challenges? How do we raise secure, confident children in an uncertain world?
Children develop confidence and competence by facing new experiences, difficult transitions and unavoidable frustrations throughout childhood. Life continually presents a child with developmental challenges, such as falling asleep alone in a crib, saying goodbye at a new preschool, facing the first day of school with a sea of unfamiliar faces, dealing with a relentlessly annoying peer, being cut from the travel team, and, for some teens, making this month’s tough decisions about college.
It is often tempting as a parent to want to smooth over these challenges, alleviate uncertainty and facilitate a child’s comfort and success. But it is important to recognize that these age-appropriate frustrations and disappointments are essential for building lifelong coping skills. Children need to learn how to manage new and difficult situations, and while parents cannot solve the challenges for a child, they can provide appreciation and emotional support for that child’s efforts. Living through a multitude of such experiences makes the normal feelings of distress more familiar and less frightening.
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