Comments on: Dying Of A Broken Heart: A Diagnosis For Grief

By: MissmyBeautifulLove

MissmyBeautifulLove — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 05:35:57 +0000

Seeing some of these comments and too missing My Beautiful Love and Mate, I too, can relate to what has been posted. I can’t function worth a damn without her. My everywaking moment is pretty much of and for her. I dream of her every night, and miss her, terribly. Too, I am also dealing with colon cancer. I do wonder if the two are related. I do not want to be with anyone else. I have tried. They are NOT Her!!! And I cry for her(even now) as I write this. I don’t know what to do?!!!!

a cowboy,
dying of a broken heart

By: dyingofabrokenheart

dyingofabrokenheart — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 17:47:28 +0000

I can relate,myself is dying of a broken heart-i dont know how to cope.if you need to talk to someone -let me know,id be here to listen.i understand because we are on the same boat.

By: MissmyMichael

MissmyMichael — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 00:12:40 +0000

I lost my son a year and a half ago to a tragic accident. I do feel like I am dying from a broken heart. To lose a child is the most devastating thing a parent can endure.

By: Klarity Belle

Klarity Belle — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 17:09:02 +0000

Hi there. I am pretty sure I have been coping with prolonged grief disorder for most of my life. When I was 7 years old I lost my beloved father who I totally identified with, I was not close to my mother and was frightened of her. I was never shown how to grieve for my father, my mother was an angry and irritable woman who was addicted to making success in business. My older half brother came to live with us soon after my father’s death, he was an aggressive alcoholic gambler who caused as much chaos as possible for our mother because of her previous abandonment of him. He despised me. I grew up a very lonely and sad little girl and lived for time spend with my paternal grandmother during summer holidays, she was the most important person in my life after my dad died. Sadly she died when I was 16 and I felt tremendous guilt at not having been by her side. My mother became ill with cancer in my late teens. I nursed her to her death when I was 22 and still hold many unresolved feelings towards her. I have not been good at choosing partners and managed to ‘choose’ one emotionally unavailable man after another. The end of each relationship has been like a loss to me and all my unresolved grief erupts each time. My life has defitely been ruptured by my experiences of loss from an early age and I would not be surprised if my brain showed damage because of these traumas. Does anyone know of any clinical trials in PGD that are due to take place in the UK. I would be very interested to be a candidate in such a trial. I am currently having therapy with a jungian analyst but find it very hard to connect to my complicated emotions involving my mother. My sincere sympathy to all who cope with similar symptoms to me, its hell to be so stuck and ‘numb’ to the joys of life.

By: CommonHealth

CommonHealth — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 19:41:58 +0000

Hi Mandy and anyone else who is looking for help coping with grief. You might start with this website: http://www.adec.org/coping/index.cfm

The Association for Death Education and Counseling can help you find a therapist and has other (hopefully) helpful resources.

Best, Martha Bebinger

By: Sam

Sam — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 00:31:58 +0000

I’m glad to hear that the research was not underwritten by a pharmaceutical company. Perhaps the recent stories on Harvard Medical School receiving an “F” on their conflict of interest guidelines have colored my view http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/03/business/03medschool.html?scp=1&sq=harvard%20medical&st=cse

I meant no disrespect to Dr. Prigerson.

By: priya

priya — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 18:18:29 +0000

Not a penny of the above research has been supported by a pharmaceutical industry.

By: Mandy

Mandy — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 12:58:59 +0000

I lost my husband to divorce, after an incident of domestic violence. He was a real Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde personality, and I absolutely adored Dr. Jekyl. He was associated with everything in life that I loved — my children, my home, our dogs, my neighborhood, the whole state in which we live, the seasons, my commute to work, and all the activities we used to do together, and any activities he enjoyed himself, but I just enjoyed because it made him happy (i.e. spectator hockey, football, etc.). I did not feel like a divorcee. I felt like a widow. After I got over my anger from the beating, I grieved for the man I thought I had married, and the good life we shared for 10 years, before his temper started flaring. (The divorce proved he was not the man I thought he was. He tried hard, I think, but he had a history of anger mgmt. Eventually, I discovered his first marriage had ended with a similar incident of domestic violence.) In spite of, or because of this dicovery, I felt all those things described by Mrs. Lopes. Life did not seem worth living. I felt numb, even towards my own children, now teenagers. I hate cigarettes, but started chain smoking. I lost 30 pounds in just a few months. I had trouble focusing. I could not read or watch TV or go to the movies. There was no escaping the pain. I emotionally abandoned my youngest daughter (age 15, always on the honor role and active in school activities) whose grades then plummeted, and she dropped out of all activities. Eventually I lost my high paying executive job, which was the only thing that occasionally brought back my old creative self. I was suicidal for several years. I only started to recover when he finally moved out of the state. But still, after six years, I grieve for the “happy marriage” and joyful family life that he gave me. Not a day goes by that I do not think of that life. Whether it was all an act on his part or not, I will never know. Perception is reality, and my reality was the family I always dreamed of. A rotator cuff injury within the first year of our separation put me on prescription pain killers off and on for a few months. I found that this was the ONLY medication that made my “broken heart” stop hurting. It was, indeed, a crippling, physical as well as emotional pain. I am finally starting to recover, I still do not see the point of life. When I hear news stories about people losing their partners or children, I wish I could somehow trade myself with that person’s fate, since I see no purpose in living, and that person is still very loved. When I told my doctor that the painkillers were the only medication that worked on my broken heart, he laughed and said sadly, “I wish I could help you, but I’d lose my license.” Dr. Daniel Amen’s studies on SPET scans of the brain show quite a bit of physical damage to the brain as a result of emotional trauma. And I strongly support anything that can be done to help those suffering from extended grief.

By: Sam

Sam — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 20:56:32 +0000

It should not be ignored. That’s the virtue of organizations like Hospice. Indeed, that’s part of the reason why I started my site.

But I’ve seen enough people in mourning, who have been prescribed drugs to overcome their “abnormal” grieving, and their feedback is that the drugs only make things worse. If the APA wants to promote a non-chemical approach to managing grief, fine. But, it was clear from the above story that there is big money pushing to “label” this condition and I question the altruism of their motives.

By: responder2sam

responder2sam — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 21:16:33 +0000

Just like depression and anxiety, grief is on a continuum of severity. It also, as in the case of Ms. Lopes, can last for at least 10 years, make a person find it exceptionally difficult to take care of family members, themselves and to work. As she describes it, grief can make some people feel like they are lost and that there is no point in living. As in Ms. Lopes case, severe, chronic grief can make someone suicidal. This is not the normal response to grief, but it is the plight of a significant few. Should this be ignored when helpful therapies have been shown to improve a bereaved person’s adjustment?